Soundbites: The Blower’s Daughter (Damien Rice)
You’ll think that an accidental encounter with the ex-Literature teacher would most definitely lead to typical tried-and-tested questions in the vein of “How have you been” or “How is university”. Not with Farhay. The spritely man with the same bushy moustache bounded up to me when I had my hands full with clothes and shopping bags, and exclaimed: “My, isn’t that my most fiesty student of all time? So, do you still believe that marriage is the worst idea to hit mankind?” His deep chortle ricocheted around the departmental store, and I stood there wondering if I should be giving him a hug or running away for my dear sanity.
Trust him to remember a random heated debate that I had with him more than three years ago. In between discussing Shakespeare’s sexual innuendos in his works, and observing the usage of alliteration in E.E. Cummings, he threw me this random question – which is more important, love or money? Being the wide-eyed 17-year-old that I was, I answered ‘love’ with all the conviction and certainty that I could muster. That one-word answer spun off a heated one hour debate, which invariably led to the eventual discussion of whether or not marriage was important.
I don’t believe in marriage, let me be clear about that. It’s not that marriage sounds like a death sentence to me. Fact is, I just dont believe in my capacity to hold on to a lifetime commitment. And if two people truly love and care for each other, there is no reason why they should sign on a piece of paper just to prove their eternal love. When you need a wedding vow to assure yourself that the relationship would last a lifetime, then the love isn’t real. Marriage is not a security that the love will never die out, marriage is not a comfort that the other party will remain loyal to the other, marriage is not even a proof that the person you got married with really loves you. Marriage is just an overly-hyped up ceremony accessoried with a full entourage, a pearly-white wedding dress, gazillion flowers in all colours imaginable, and cliche music. In other words, the couple is not just saying “i do” but rather “i do have money for all of these.”
Instead of going through all the trouble, why not just go on domestic partnership and have the freedom of choice to leave the relationship when you feel strangulated?
I think at worst marriage is a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it’s a happy delusion – these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they’re about to make each other. But, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don’t think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical and courageous and very romantic.
