Your face was just an inch above mine, and as your warm breath danced past my lips, all I could see was those eyes. You were looking straight into mine, and at that point in time, those shades of hazel seemed to be spilling over with emotion. And I wished time would just stop right there, so I could forever remember the way you were looking at me. Such rawness, such love, it made my heart ache. How I wished that time was controlled by a shutter, and I could take a picture of the moment. The only word I could use to describe how I was feeling was Love. Yet, the word seemed so small and insignificant and it doesn’t fully encompass all that was going through my heart. Forward a month later, now, and I still can’t find the right word to say how I felt. Love, you say? Yes it was, and yet at the same time, it was much more than that.
Perhaps a mixture of love and fear? The more Love there is, the more Fear there is, don’t you think? There, I’ve said it: I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of who I am, scared of how I might not be good enough, scared of how you might one day realise that I’m not all that amazing you thought me out to be. And most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.
But at the same time, after tearing away at all these insecurities, I am happy – I have never been happier at any point in my life, and I am glad you made it all possible. I don’t think you really know how much of a difference you made in my life, and I can only hope that I can make the same difference in yours.
I once asked a friend what it meant to be in love. The friend of mine just proposed to his girlfriend, only to be rejected while he knelt on one knee with a ring outstretched. Taking a huge gulp of his pint of San Miguel, he mumbled: “You know it’s love when the tiny details about the other person, the ones that seem so insignificant to most people, seem incredible and magnificant to you.”
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
